Maybe just maybe

On September 11, 2013 i wrote this note.. 

Dear mas Seto,

To be honest.. I never thought this thing could happened.. But it happen anyway.. I hope the things i'm about to say will not change anything between us as friends.. We've been thru quite a lot as friends and i don't wanna lose that just because what i'm about to say.. Okay, here it goes.. For some reasons, lately... I care so much about you.. I can't tell you why, i just care so much about u... i tell u this not because i need an answer, i just need u to know.. I really hope that u won't be mad or anything.. Or even change.. I just need u to know how i feel about u... U don't have to say anything.. I just need to spill it out... Please don't ever change....

And finally last nite i had the guts to send it to him.. and he replied..

And end up we had this long conversations about the situation.. He said he adore me because i have the courage to tell him so.. But he prefers just being friends.. 

Somehow, i feel all so mixed-up.. Having those conversations with him ended up making me adore him even more.. He's like the person i've been looking for all this time... 😭 could it be change? I don't know... I don't have any power left to keep wishing and hoping... 

Sometimes i wish that all the religion crap really don't exist.. Maybe things could go simpler.. Maybe he could love me.. And maybe we could end up together.. Well maybe just maybe....

*this is for you mas Seto.. Thank you for making me finally feel like a real adult.. I adore you..